Human Pandas

 

Lions were roaring and some Humans were unable to get a good night’s sleep.

Monkeys were jumping into the back gardens of other Humans.

Holyrood Planners seemed oblivious to what was going on !

 

The former Corstorphine Hospital was put up for sale and Sundial Dundas purchased the site.

They wondered if it would be ok to build houses and flats there. The City of Edinburgh Council Planners seemed to like the idea.

All was going well until the Holyrood Planners shouted …

 

… ‘stop, wait a minute, what about the Pandas?’.

A shudder of … Panda … Monium … went across all of the City of Edinburgh, and beyond.

 

‘Well, what about the Pandas?’ exclaimed Sundial Dundas.

City of Edinburgh Council Planners said much the same, although more eloquently.

Word got out and almost everyone of Edinburgh’s residents were chattering, ‘what’s all this about the Pandas?’

 

‘It’s the noise, you see’, responded the Holyrood Planners, ‘we’re worried about the health of Sweetie and Sunshine

The Holyrood Planners were thinking that the noises Sundial Dundas might make while building the new houses and flats, could actually kill the Pandas off.

 

Meanwhile, over in Old Town, the Community Council chipped in “so, they’ll be needing an Environmental Impact Assessment (see Annex B) then ?”

“No chance!” said Let There Be Light, “that will never happen.”

“Why’s that then” OTCC asked. But they already knew why.

 

OTCC had known the answer for years now, ever since the site for the proposed new Virgin Hotel was first mooted.

Pandas don’t live nearby, but there are lots of Humans …. resident Humans, visitor Humans and business Humans too.

The proposed Virgin Hotel would be situated in the heart of Victoria Street, Cowgatehead and George IV Bridge.

 

The City of Edinburgh Council Planners were clear that an Environmental Impact Assessment (see Annex B) was definitely not needed for the proposed Virgin Hotel.

Lady Wise agreed.

And that was that !

 

People were beginning to accept that Environmental Impact Assessments (see Annex B) were definitely not needed for the Human species.

Environmental Impact Assessments (see Annex B) were reserved for other species instead, species such as the Pandas.

 

There was an upbeat almost celebratory humming, at the former Royal High School buildings over on Calton Hill.

“We don’t have Pandas” they hummed.

“We don’t have Human neighbours either.”

But we most definitely do have an Environmental Impact Assessment”.

 

And the narrative was starting to look something like this.

Environmental Impact Assessments (see annex B) are primarily about keeping Pandas healthy.

Environmental Impact Assessments (see annex B) might be good idea for building sites, provided they are not surrounded by Humans.

But, Environmental Impact Assessments (see annex B) are most definitely not required for built-up City-Centre areas lived in, and surrounded by … Humans.

 

Which brings us to Sir Richard Branson. We like his perspective on leaders, including his take on leaders’ views, that they have to be questioned on occasions.

 

We have high hopes here at Edinburgh Old Town Community Council. We look forward to Sir Richard and his team at India Buildings Ltd :

  1. producing a suitable and sufficient Environmental Impact Assessment (see Annex B) for the proposed Virgin Hotel
  2. publishing their Environmental Impact Assessment (see annex B) online before the building of the proposed Virgin Hotel commences

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